we were going to go out to the bank and change my account to a "student account" so that i wouldn't have to pay a goddamn ridiculous and hefty sum of 5.95 a month (hey, i'm in college and i need that money for collegebeerfund yo). there's a call on the hardline, i pick up:
LADY: Yo mothafucka, this is claire from the mothafuckin financial aid office yo, word?
BUTCH: word!
LADY: i'm calling regarding the appeal you sent awhile ago and i am trying to determine if you are still in the same financial situation.
BUTCH: perhaps you should speak with my father, he is the breadwinner......mothafucka
(Butch exits, stage left. The father enters, a scowl on his face, he has been awokened-ed from a nap)

so they talk about it and my dad explains that we are one poor ass motherfuckin' family livin in the ghettos. i mean, i gots ta do drivebys and rob mothafuckas just to make ends meet, yo. i just robbed fuckin apu the other night over there by the fuckin gas station on elm, yo.

well anyways, the financial aid office calling my house is great fucking news!

we go out and turn applications in, i apply to another target and walmart in modesto. the walmart application asks a lot of questions about whether i smoke marijuana and drink excessive amounts of alcohol. i answered truthfully and filled the spaces for "strongly disagree." The application also asked if i thought smoking marijuana, stealing, and drinking was ok while on-duty, to which i replied: "strongly disagree"

should people be allowed to steal from the store they are working, smoke marijuana cigarettes, and take shots in the womens' clothing department? absolutely -- especially because it is walmart, the "we hire illegal immigrants and pay them less than minimum wage" store. over at applebees, i talk to the manager, who says they are hiring and they they will get back with me. they need people. good news.

we get back and there is more mail for me from my post office over in chico. better news -- i had been expecting way more mail than i received earlier in case there were bills i needed to pay. i check my mail to find a letter from csu chico...hmm...holy shit...it's a fucking check for 236 dollars to me. for no reason. should i call the school and ask why? fuck no. -- my account balances turns from 2.62 to $238.62 in a few days. i win. i'm fucking vanna white and i win. suddenly i get paid to touch screens so they turn into letters. i am fucking vanna white and i do shit for a living and i get a fat paycheck.

it gets better. i checked my financial aid account at chico state and i qualified for a pell grant. pell grants are moneys you can get from the government for college, and guess what? i don't have to pay a mother-fucking dime of that four thousand ($4,000) dollars ever. pell grant means you don't have to pay it back. i win again, motherfuckers.

i feel like masturbating on someones corpse!

ps, that's an expression meaning, i fucking win times four million -- so don't take me seriously.